"If I can make it here, I'll make it anywhere." Liza Minelli originally sang these words, though they have become more closely associated with Frank Sinatra. On my second night in NYC I went to a gay piano karaoke lounge called The Monster - when I told the men there I was visiting from Canada they decided to sing "New York, New York" for me as a welcome present:
The pianist Phil was possibly the most incredible musician I've ever witnessed - you could hum him the tune of a song he didn't know and he'd compose an entire orchestration of it while you drunkenly forgot the words. I was possibly the only person around the piano under the age of 50, but it was a memorable evening - more on that later. Back to the quote I mentioned a minute ago - Jay-Z recently adapted those same lyrics in his tribute to the Big Apple. I can't seem to make it anywhere so I'm not sure why I think I'll be able to accomplish anything if I move to NYC - but it does seem like the land of opportunity. I went to more auditions in 2 weeks there than I've been to in the last 2 years in Vancouver.
Anyway, early on during my stay in NYC I realized I was a.) walking everywhere and b.) everyone else on the sidewalk was a total bitch. Pushing, shoving, hitting people with their bags. These people are on a mission. I decided to use the NYC pedestrians as a metaphor for my life - I would walk faster, recklessly, dangerously, self assuredly. I would have great legs even though my diet only consisted of street meat and bigger pizza slices than I've ever imagined.
I need to be in New York. Vancouver is beautiful, but it's so relaxed - I sit around all day and feel ok about it because I'm probably not missing much. In New York you know there is always something exciting happening out there somewhere and you want to go and experience it. It was just the kick in the butt I needed. I was in search of hijinks and I found them. Which brings me back to The Monster.
So - The Monster is a piano lounge upstairs and a drag club downstairs. I went down to look around and discovered they were giving away prizes! Among them - $100 and Broadway tickets. I desperately wanted a chance to spin the prize wheel but the drag queen made me wait. After the first 3 contestants tried their luck she called me onto the stage. There were still 3 envelopes on the prize wheel and no one had won the big prizes yet so I felt good about my chances.
I was then informed before spinning the prize wheel I would have to remove 8 pieces of clothing.
Saying no was not an option. Or if it was, I decided against it. I quickly counted the items I was wearing - cardigan, shirt, belt, pants, sock, sock, boot, boot, underwear. I would be spinning the prize wheel in a jockstrap, but it would be ok...right?
Until the queen added: "Oh, and your socks and shoes count as one each." Before I know it I'm ass naked on the stage holding someones shirt over my crotch - I spin the prize wheel and win two tickets to see Priscilla: Queen Of The Desert but I can't even jump up and down with joy for fear of losing the shirt and my dignity (though, in hindsight, perhaps it was already gone.)
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